Who Cares For You?

I’m not quite sure how it happens but we can seem to get ourselves into some relationships that end up taking a lot out of us and don’t give much back in return.

Some key signs that this may be happening are:

• You dread the person calling you, because you know it’s going to require you doing something

• You no longer feel excited about getting together

• When you talk to them it seems to be all about them.

  Whenever you mention something that’s happening in your life, you notice that they are able to bring the topic of conversation back to themselves.

• You start to act out of “rules” that have been inadvertently established between the two of you, rather than acting out of genuine love and concern. Have you ever heard yourself say, “I’d better call or I’ll be in all sorts of trouble?”

So what to do about it? They say you can’t pick your family and that may be the case, but you definitely have control over whom you choose as friends. Relationships that work best are those that tend to:

• Be supportive for both people- you can be there for that person but you also know that they will be there for you

• Based on honesty and trust- to be able to freely talk about what’s happening for you without fear of being judged

• Understanding- to be able to talk to someone who only wants to understand and not necessarily change you can be the most precious connection of all.

If you are experiencing more of the first and not so much of the second, then it may be time to really sit down and review where you sit in the relationships stake. This can be one of the hardest and scariest things for you to do.... as it often seems easier not to rock the boat and ask for what you need. You might even be an expert in finding “work arounds” for all the problems that you experience rather than ask for support from those that around you.

One way of starting to make changes around those unsupportive relationships is to imagine if a friend was experiencing this type of thing. What would your advice be for them? Now as a wise soul, I’m sure your advice will be spot on.

The next thing to do then is to listen and take that very advice and make the changes in your own life that you would suggest to a friend. The advice we give our friends is always better than the advice that we give ourselves.

Other ways of helping to deal with requests that don’t really support you are:

• Practice saying No

• Thanks.. I can see how you might think that, but I’m

  going to do this anyway

• Not right now

• Can I get back to you on that?

• I really have a lot on my plate right now. I’m not really

  in the space to take on anything else. I’m sure you understand?

  .... And of course practice saying YES to all the things that you might like to do with family and friends. If you normally just go along, why not dare to suggest something you might like to do. That’s the quickest test of whether family and friends are actually there and care for you.